Friday, 30 August 2013

Almost up to date

My apologies for the delay in consistently updating my blog. Life has been a bit hectic. I am close to finally updating it. I have 3 oustanding posts which I should have up soon. I must admit, I have had a very poor blogging strategy. I was very excited about starting my blog months and months ago. I was bursting with so many thoughts, emotions and ideas that I wanted to share. Putting them down however has been the challenge. Working and studying at the same time means that I don't have much time to blog during the day and I usually get home in the evening exhausted, chores and assignments waiting for me.

When I started blogging, I decided that I wanted to at least have the first 10 posts up before I made the blog public as they explained how I ended up where I currently am in my femdom journey. Writing them however proved to be quite difficult and time consuming as I battled with reliving some rather dark times as well as whether I wanted to be this open. I would start a post, get stuck, move on to the next, get stuck again, end up frustrated, postpone it all, pick up later and so it went on and on. The plan was to make the blog public on the 1st of May but that didn't work out. It came and passed and all I had in my posts folder was numerous incomplete drafts. I finally only made it public on the 17th of June. I however decided to back date the posts to when they should have originally been posted.

I hoped to complete and publish all the drafts in my posts folder a month ago but by mistake, I accidentally deleted all the drafts as well as some published posts. Getting back the published posts was my first priority and with some difficulty, I managed to recover them. The same could not unfortunately be said for the 8 drafts I lost so I had to start all over again. It wasn't easy, especially given my newly hectic schedule but I have almost completed them and have already posted some of them below. They have been backdated so feel free to go back and have a look.

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Trial Weekend ~ Sunday Part 2

Ava lazily lay on the couch in the lounge while still dressed in her lingerie. Mark was seated upright and naked next to her, her feet resting on his thighs as he massaged them and they talked. They discussed what he would expect after the weekend if he chose to remain her submissive.

She told him that the realities of their working lives meant that weekdays would not be as full play wise as this weekend. The pot plant would remain hanging in the lounge and for the most part she would save up any punishments for the weekends unless their schedules allowed more play. On weekday nights, they would still visit family and friends and continue with their lives. He was however supposed to always remember that she was the head of the relationship and expected to be treated accordingly. Massages, service, pampering and satisfying her sexual urges as she dictated would be typical of weekday nights. Whenever possible they would try to maximize their alone time on weekends.

Depending on her mood, he would to satisfy her cravings. Any failures noted in his performance and behavior during the week would be addressed during the weekends. It was clear this was not a conversation if he was going to choose this life. Merely she was telling him how it was going to be.

Sure that he understood what she told him, she asked him to go to the kitchen and make them a quick late lunch. She told him to surprise her with a meal of his choice. He asked whether she would like steak, chips and a salad. She couldn’t have thought of a better choice for a Sunday afternoon. He did make a really good steak.

He excused himself to get appropriately dressed for the task ahead but she told him that he could only put on an apron. He had never cooked in an apron only and this kind of made him a bit nervous. She sensed his nervousness and said, "Darling, I would really love to admire your sexy body. Are you going to deprive me of this?"

Saturday, 24 August 2013

Trial Weekend ~ Sunday Part 1

Mark woke up at around 11am, needing to use the bathroom. He quietly got out of Ava's warm embrace and left the bedroom not wanting to disturb her sleep. Trying to be quiet, he had some cereal before doing some quiet cleaning. He collected her toys that she had used and was going to put them in her chest. When he got to it he noticed that she left a post-it note saying "Do not open!" He wondered what else she kept in there but did not dare to take a peek.

Not long after, he heard her call out darling, in a playful way. When he entered her room she said, "Good morning darling. I would like scrambled eggs on toast and a cup of tea in bed thank you."

He really liked being referred to as darling. As he went to the kitchen he heard her use the bathroom and go back to bed. He made her brunch and handed it to her on a tray. She sat up in bed and as she ate he was to massage her feet. She asked him how he had been enjoying himself so far, good and bad. She wanted him to be candid. He told her how he enjoyed pleasing and worshipping her. She was pleased to hear this.

"Anything you haven't enjoyed?" She asked.

"Well, I thought you went a bit far with the crop and paddle, I mean there are still welts where you hit me."

She smiled making it clear that he would get used to it and he would toughen up. She then said, "Do you know how proud I was when you remained composed and strong when I punished you? I tested your devotion and you came through for me. That gets me excited and you like that don't you?"

"I do," he replied.

"Any other complaints, speak up now?"

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

When fantasy does not translate to reality

Submissive UK Husband left this comment on SS, a week into chastity, before I accidentally deleted the post. "Interesting post especially from the perspective of posting it on behalf of your caged sub. As a recently caged sub I can resonate with the observations and will keep checking back to see how this develops." I have also received some messages expressing an interest in hearing more about how things pan out between SS and I. 

Unfortunately, there is no "happy ending" for us. SS gave me control of his cock on the 18th of April. Our contract ended on the 27th of May, me being the one ending it. I have to be honest and admit that I acted rashly and let frustration get the better of me. I asked SS for something that would be very special to me and him as well, but he declined to give it to me. I felt like the reasons he gave for not being able to give me what I wanted were not the real reasons and he even went as far as saying he would rather not have a release.

When I cooled down and realised what I had done. I was very regretful to say the least. Even though he has never said it, I must have hurt him and broken his trust by ending the contract so rashly. I may have made him feel like he was easily dispensable and like he never meant anything to me for me to act on impulse like that. SS means a lot to me and he is not easily dispensable. I enjoyed owning his cock a lot however what happened was bound to happen. If it wasn't when and how it did, it was bound to at a later stage. 

We agreed to think things through  and decide on a way forward however, it wasn't that easy. It was rather difficult and confusing for both of us. We talked about it a bit but never got around to the core issues. We almost got there then we both ran away because we are afraid of tapping into very intense emotions and being very vulnerable with each other. The irony however is that given what we shared and the trust we built in each other, it should have been easy to open up to each other but it was not.

Sunday, 18 August 2013

The trial weekend ~ Saturday Part 4

Once in the lounge, Ava blindfolded Mark, telling him that it might be more fun that way. For her maybe, he thought. She tied his hands to the chains and then told him to spread his legs. She attached what he was later to discover was a spreader bar to his ankles. Apart from being uncomfortable, he felt he had a little balance and felt himself swing against the chains.

She left him for a moment. He had no idea she was getting her robe so she could get comfortable. He heard her walk around him. Eyeing her prey, he thought.

Suddenly he felt a sharp whack to his butt from what he thought must have been a paddle. She concentrated on the one spot over and over causing him to shout out, "Please stop my lady."

This disappointed her and he felt her slap his face, and then a whisper in his ear, "I warned you about begging."

With that, she attached a ball gag in his mouth to keep him quiet. Tied and blindfolded, he got in a bit of a panic. He really couldn’t take any more and she seemed to understand that he was approaching his limit. She told him to be strong a little while longer and he would definitely get the reward she mentioned earlier. He knew what she meant, or he thought he did, so he made every effort to man up and accept every blow she delivered. By the time it was over he was a mess.

She removed the spreader bar and he regained his balance. She then untied his arms. He almost collapsed on her as she helped him to the couch. She took off his blindfold and he saw her looking at him to see whether he was fine. Dressed in her robe, she looked so nurturing to him. He began to sob in her chest. She comforted him as he regained his composure.

Thursday, 15 August 2013

Why I choose or wish to submit ~ submissive males' perspectives

I asked the members of my harem, eeeerrrr I meant the lovely submissive men in my life lol, why they choose to or wish to submit to a dominant woman. Submitting is a voluntary action, something a man decides to do. It is an act of the will and the result of a conscious choice or decision that a man makes to give up some or all control of his life to a woman. A submissive man chooses to submit and has the option to say no. He chooses who he is willing to submit to, how long he is willing to submit, how much authority he will cede, how much control he will accept and what aspects of his life he will surrender.

It is a decision that happens first in one's heart and if one can't decide in his heart that he is willingly going to submit, then he is not truly submitting. It cannot be enforced upon a person. A dominant cannot force a submissive to submit to her. She can make him do what she wants but that is not true submission. Either a man submits of his own free will or he doesn't submit at all. It is a submissive's to give and not for a dominant to take.

From the answers I received from my submissive male friends, it is evident that the desire to submit is natural to them. They are naturally inclined toward pleasing and satisfying women. Knowing who they are and what they want, they have made a choice to be led by women. My question to them was why they would choose to surrender power to a dominant. It takes a special someone and strength to submit and the answers I got, show just how special and lovely these men are.

Monday, 12 August 2013

The unexpected hots for chastity

"My cock is your cock!" SS said to me one Saturday morning. These have got to be the sexiest words a man has ever said to me. I was leisurely laying on the couch, talking to him on the phone. Talking to him was a turn on in itself but when he told me that his cock was mine, I felt turned on like I never had. My heart raced and I felt this intense surge of excitement flow through me that I have never experienced.

"Say it again," I told him.

"My cock is your cock LD!" It sounded even better. The genuineness in his voice, his excitement and willingness in handing over his cock to me, it all excited in a way I had not expected.

Chastity is a kink that had never really appealed to or excited me. I knew about it but to be quite honest, chastity devices freaked me out and I just didn’t really get it. I love cocks and penetrative sex, why would I want my favourite part of a man to be locked away? When Subnumber1 sent me his story, chastity was involved. It got me a bit excited but didn’t quite pique my interest in chastity. During our first meeting, Becks had proposed that I take control of his orgasms. I was not too thrilled about this either. When we went back to his place, he showed me a piece of his chastity device. I didn’t get what excitement the metal device he had spent quite a bit on was about. Then, I met SS and I will never look at chastity the same way.

As soon as I read SS' first message to me, I viewed his Fetlife profile. There were plenty of photos of him playing with his many toys, chastity devices included. There was a link to his Tumblr which I viewed and found even more photos of him caged and other men as well. It was clear that he was heavily into chastity. Was he one of the many subs looking for a keyholder, was that why he approached me? His message had not given any indication of this but I could not help but wonder. I was not sure how to take it even though he was only interested in chatting.

Thursday, 8 August 2013

The trial weekend ~ Saturday Part 3

Mark went to the bathroom. He looked at his back and butt in the mirror and could see the red belts from the riding crop. Strange, but he felt kind of proud, like they were a badge of honor. He cleaned himself up and put on appropriate clothes for a restaurant. Ava was already dressed. She was wearing a sexy top, body hugging skirt, and a more practical pair of heels. He couldn’t help but lust over her. She enjoyed the attention, laughed and told him, “Come on darling, let's go." 

She had never referred to him as darling but he quite liked it, just as he had sub.

She asked him to drive to one of the city’s famous Indian restaurants. She knew that he was not a fan of Indian food but it was her favourite and he figured that it was not about him. He liked how she made that decision.

She told him that he could speak freely whilst they were at the restaurant. She asked him if it was going as he expected and if he was enjoying himself. He told her that he really didn't know what to expect and that it had been a bit of a shock to his system.

"Good, you spend way too much time in your comfort zone. You didn't answer my question, are you enjoying yourself so far?"

"I wasn't enjoying myself when you disciplined me, but now that it is over, I am glad we did it.  I just would prefer to avoid these punishments."

"Well, you have to understand that if you want to be trained to my standards I will be expecting the highest standards from you. You can't expect to do it on your own. You need my help, and I will discipline you out of love."

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Taking a break from my search

I have decided to take another break from my search for a submissive partner. I took one in January and resumed it in early May because I was focusing on myself. If I already had one, why do I need another one? I am not quite sure why. I guess it is due to a combination of various things but mostly my heart is just not in actively looking at the moment and I would rather focus on other areas of my life that require my attention.

My life is a bit hectic at the moment as I try and juggle studies and work at the same time. I am still getting a hang of things, trying to find and settle into a routine that will work for me for the next three and a half months. My studies are my first priority at the moment, everything else coming after.

I met with three prospective subs in the last 2 months but they all didn't pan out as I had hoped.

- Harley Sub: He contacted me via Alt. I have written more about what transpired between us here. I knew that we could not have anything long term however, I found myself very attracted to the prospect of playing with him especially since he admitted that my darkest fantasies turned him on and he was very keen to experiment with me. We also got along very well when we met and the chemistry was definitely there. We discussed the prospect of making him mine. He told me that he had already given himself to me even before our meeting. I was aware that he was seeing three women on and off, he had been honest about this. I asked him whether he would stop seeing them and focus exclusively on me. He thought about it and his answer was that he could not commit to exclusivity. I was not disappointed by his reply. I had seen it coming, this was after all one of my earlier concerns, and would have frankly been very surprised if he said that he would commit to it.

Saturday, 3 August 2013

Please let me cum

"Please let me cum," Harley Sub asked seated on the couch across me.

"Nope," I answered.

"Are you really not going to let me cum?"

"I don’t really feel like it."

He stood up as though this would make me sympathise with him. I looked at him pretending to be oblivious and unmoved by his predicament. Finally, I stood up and walked to him. He had his hands in his pockets and was trying to give his cock some relief.

"Did I say you could play with your cock?" I sternly asked him looking him in the eye.

"No." With that he took his hands out of his pocket and obediently stood at attention.

"Much better."

"You are really enjoying this aren’t you?"

"Of course," I replied as I felt his erection through his jeans and rubbed it through them. He moaned. I had not anticipated how sexy it would be watching him beg me to let him cum. Much older than me and a very alpha male in his vanilla life, I was thoroughly enjoying hearing him beg me to let him cum and his frustration as I taunted him with the possibility that he was not going to get to cum.